from: the beatitudes, one

‘Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ - Matthew 5/3

There are a handful of times in my life where I recall feeling, ‘poor in spirit.’ There were the tantrums I threw as a child, where instead of recoiling in regret, I went until I’d lost every privilege I ever knew. There was age twelve, when I was very sick and unsure of how to be well. Then there was age nineteen, the age of my first broken heart. Poor in spirit feels like the perfect pronouncement for how I felt in these times. And yet; the kingdom of heaven was mine in these instances?

One time I was on tour with a group of young, sold-out Christians in Europe for seven weeks. While we spent most nights leading worship and preaching the gospel, we spent most days bedraggled and sleeping on seven hour car rides. Week six came around, and I was definitely feeling ‘poor in spirit’ to say the least. A girl on my team, whom I share many bold, unabashed characteristics with, was getting on my nerves again. I felt persecuted and stung by her words towards me, though I don’t think they were intentional. I didn’t want to ruffle feathers and say something, so instead I went to prayer. Sitting in this large group, in my mind I prayed, ‘God, when will this end? I feel constantly hurt.’ His response: ‘one person is persecuting you, imagine how many people persecuted me.’ Immediately peace flooded my heart.

I was poor in spirit and the Holy Spirit poured out peace upon me. He reminded me of the togetherness with Him, I partake in while suffering. I’m not sure this is exactly what Christ meant on the hill, when he proclaimed the kingdom belongs to the poor in spirit--but it sure felt like it. I think the iterations of this proclamation are far reaching and threaded into everyday encounters with Him, especially when we feel poor in spirit. Should we choose to approach him with our deprived hearts, unfed by the world, he’ll be sure to fill us up. Maybe not with the words we’d like to hear, but the ones we need to. That’s the kingdom of heaven coming to rest on the poor in spirit—the upside down kingdom at work.